Senior Project

Hey you with the pretty face
Welcome to the human race
A celebration, mister blue sky's up there waitin'
And today is the day we've waited for

Mr. Blue Sky, Electric Light Orchestra

People say we're more like an old couple than mother and son, the way we bicker and make up, share a million inside jokes, fight over what goes in the grocery cart. I suppose it's because he's the only male that's stuck around in my life for more than a few months or years--granted more by necessity than choice. Or maybe it's due to the fact that from the instant I first laid eyes on this kid, I understood he was as much my peer as my prodigy.

As a child, J was the kind of kid who would sit cross-legged in the middle of the basketball court during summer camp, his spectacled head absorbed in a book while the other kids danced the ball around and over him. He was the one consistently sent to the office for distracting the class with his jokes, arguing semantics with a teacher, or standing up to a bully with words that sliced as deeply as the punches landing on my son. And he's the the kind of kid you pull out of school a half-dozen times, trying unsuccessfully to find an odd-shaped hole for a many-faceted peg.

He finally graduated from high school this week, thanks to a newly-formed charter school that worked one-on-one with J to help him garner enough credits to earn a diploma. He earned most of those credits at Cuesta College, and now has a year of general ed under his belt, putting him a full year ahead of most of his counterparts. The graduation ceremony was simple, sweet, and unrehearsed. The 13 capped students chose a song to accompany their walk to the "stage" (a semi-circle of chairs on the lawn of the cohousing community). Jacob chose ELO's Mr. Blue Sky, fitting in that for graduation I'd gifted him with 20-20 vision, and it was his first public appearance sans prescriptions lens.

I know my kid loves me, but he's not quick to say so, at least not in words. His way of showing affection is to crack my back when he notices I'm "off" or to pick up an extra pack of sunflower seeds when he's at the store. So I didn't expect much more than a posed photo or an indulgent hug last Thursday. What I got is this: a fitting reward for twelve-plus long years of trying to give J the best education available. What you get today is the gift of J's graduation address, copied below. Bring your hankie, folks.

Wait...I thought I was the juggling act. No? Ok, then (retrieving speech from beneath his crokked cap).

The transition from high school onward never seemed like such a big deal to me. What’s all the fuss about? After all, our schooling isn’t complete, in fact far from it. If you were to ask me, or be forced to listen to me ramble on as you all are, I would say that our schooling ends with a toe tag. There are so many things to discover and explore on this planet--from new sources of renewable energy to unseen species of tropical insects to new planets and stars not yet seen or given a name. Whether we go on to college or find what we love in a simpler life, whether we travel abroad or deeply explore the comforts of home, we will spend the rest of our lives learning the complicated rhythms of the Earth.

So what are we really graduating from? I sat at my computer for hours, unable to write more than a sentence about my graduation (then again, the James Bond marathon on TV didn’t help). I was stumped. Finally, it dawned on me. I think graduation isn’t just a celebration of what we’ve done-- although anyone who has sat through some public school lessons that made eating glass look kind of appealing deserves a medal (and most of us have). No, nearly everyone has endured 12 years of standardized, platform-building schooling that in and of itself is good mostly for celebration that it's finally over.

The real focus of graduation, however, is the glorious recognition and anticipation of all the varied and amazing things we will do in our lifetimes, the things that we’ll learn from here on out-- be it thermonuclear physics, computer science, art, or underwater basket weaving. Raising a family, caring for loved ones, discovering the balance of work and play; from this day forward we each break free of standardized credit mongering and walk our own paths in life, building the tools that you--not the State of California--decide you need, and discovering what it is in life makes your heart sing.

Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, "To be yourself in a world that is that constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment." Then again, he also said that quotation confesses inferiority, so maybe he wasn’t the best guy to quote.

In closing, no graduation speech would be anywhere near complete without the standard thank you to a very unstandard woman. I spent what often seemed like every day of  1st -8th  grade getting my cheeky butt sent to the office, so my mother got to know a lot of secretaries very well. If it weren’t for my mother’s tireless work, I would never have received such a varied and exceptional education.

Words can’t begin to describe how thankful I am for your constant support and guidance, and the support and guidance I will no doubt require when I need to figure out how to do my taxes, or buy a house, or make pot roast, or take bubblegum out of my couch. If anyone deserves a cool little piece of paper and a nifty hat, its totally you, mom. If Mr. Emerson will allow me to quote him yet again, even if it does confess my inferiority, "Men are what their mothers make them."

At this point he ad libbed, "And now if you'll all indulge me, I've got some flowers here for my mom, and for my teacher, Amy, who put up with a long year's worth of procrastination and nincompoopery from me." Then he produced a beautiful bunch of roses for me and a bouquet of mixed flowers for Amy, and walked them to us one at a time along with warm hugs. There wasn't a dry eye on the lawn.

It was a very good day. I hope yours was, too.

Comments

[Issa]

...And now there's not a dry eye here either. Thank you. :-)

[janitordave]

Proof of an exceptional young man and an exceptional Mom. You both deserve a big hug...(((()))))

[Kimberly]

How Lovely!!

[Martyn]

J wrote: "...nearly everyone has endured 12 years of standardized, platform-building schooling that in and of itself is good mostly for celebration that it's finally over." I'd counter that with "Don't knock what you have, J."

For a long time I've recognised the deficiency in public education that exists here in the UK, and I'm convinced that our kids are not (and likely haven't been for decades) educated to the same standard as those in the US school system.

J's address on his graduation proves my point. He's articulate, witty, thoughtful, sensitive ... and I can't imagine there are many UK equivalents who could come within a mile of matching his performance. No doubt his Mama has had an influence, both in the genes she gave him and the watch she kept over him. But my guess is that he's one among many whose parents are proud this week, no small thanks to their education.

M.

[ellie]

Issa--Don't say I didn't warn you ;-)

Dave--I thought of you today. It would have been mom's birthday. I wish she could have been there. You, too.

Kimberly--How nice to see your name. Thanks for popping in!

Martyn: I'm proud of him because we managed despite the challenges. Grateful for ed. opportunities but still wish our system was better at accommodating kids who are "different". He's had a hell of a go, school-wise.

Thanks all for your kind and insightful comments.

~~ellie

[L.A. Howe]

i don't have any children, but that speech made me bawl. good job, j. and good job, eldonna. really. excellent. job. btw, i love emerson precisely because he has such a knack for articulating things i feel but that sit at the back of my brain most times.

[Tina]

Thank you for sharing pecious moments. If memories are all we leave with, well those are worth lifetimes.

[ellie]

L.A: Thanks for your kind words. J says if you need a quote on any subject, Emerson has probably said something about it that is more articulate than anyone else.

Tina this is one I'll cherish to the grave.

[Liora]

Beautiful words, and the walking the roses to you is just beautiful (redundant but true). What a special memory for you both.

I must say one spot made me laugh because I had recently reread your old post on how you got "busted" for your FedExed stash. The spot where he said he'd turn to you to make pot roast. Ok, my humor is in a strange place these days.

It was a beautiful speech. I bet it makes up for a few unspoken "I love yous"

[angie]

this was very moving Ellie..
Congrats to your son..
i would've wanted my sons to say the same thing about me..

Good Job for you as a Mom!

[Coll B.Lue]

An extremely moving write and endearing to say the least - the bond between mother and son equally endearing and so beautifully put too. Thanks for sharing this with us :o).

A deeply inspirational weblog post.

[ellie]

Liora that's funnier than you think. I'm probably the only mom who made a stop on the way home from graduation so my grad could score a pinch of 420 to help celebrate.

Angie & Coll. B. Lue: Thank you for your kind words. J and I are rather joined at the hip. I'm grateful for our bond and know that when the time comes for him to launch, I'll no doubt feel a deafening loss of company along with the relief that he's orbiting his own planet.

[Fran aka Redondowriter]

Ellie, though I had already read Jake's commencement speech, I was deeply moved again. And also moved by your memories of him. He is so handsome in all these photos. He has morphed into a very good man and tell him I said so, pretty please.

[Gail]

Congrats on being one of the best moms in the world. I wanted to send you this link for a while, but now is the best time because it pretty much define what is out there is for J. now that he has graduated.

J., this is for you.

http://www.glumbert.com/media/shift

[Ann]

Great writing. What a talented guy you have! I only hope he can find a college that doesn't feed him 4 more years of standardized crap, before he can get on with discovering and being the great and unique person that he is. There are some great schools out there, and I hope he finds one!

[ellie]

Thanks, Ann. I hope so, too. It's tough finding a good match, but for now, he's happy taking CC classes while he figures out what direction he wants to go.