Miss Understanding

To be misunderstood can be the writer's punishment for having disturbed the reader's peace. The greater the disturbance, the greater the possibility of misunderstanding. ~~Anatole Broyard

There was a time in my life when I needed to be right, would have traded my favorite toe ring, nay, my toe, for a resounding "I told you, so!" rather than let a misconception linger in another's mind. For some reason, it used to be very important to me that I made my point, disproved somebody's wrong assumptions, shed light on what longed to remain in shadowy shades of ambiguity rather than leave our backs to one another in steadfast attachment to conviction.

A few months ago I experienced one of these conflicting realities opportunities for growth and a part of me really, really wanted to convince the other person that they were wrong about me. I composed long emails in which I  proved their incorrectness, held imaginary conversations where I articulated my truth, turned a spotlight on my history so that they could see the lack of blemish on my record of good intentions. But I never sent those emails, never picked up the phone, gave up investing my energy in someone else's wrong perception of me. Frankly, it's just silly to throw away all that energy in exchange for righteous conversion.

My wasband once belonged to a group I kiddingly referred to as his Libbing Lub Kult, (it's actually called Living Love) in which the members have to memorize a long list of tenets and humiliate themselves to the degree they give into "group process" and admit they are "addicted" to some set of limiting behaviors. I'm not one for organized religion or anti-religion for that matter, and as much as I disagree with the methods of LL, one can always glean something useful from any set of principals. My take-away from this one is something they call being stuck in the g.o.o., short for Good Opinion of Others. For most of my life I was not only stuck in the goo, I'd been planted in it from the moment of conception. Growing up a preacher's kid, it's really important to set an example for others, and lord forbid anyone thought we were sinning at the Edwards parsonage let alone actually doing it.  We weren't free from sin by any means, but I did learn that it's a lot easier to be a good person than to try and cover being a bad one.

So I let it go, this need to be right--or mostly, anyway. And when he called and asked for a treatment, I said yes, and not much more. As is often the case, once I'm in massage mode Love takes over and I felt any residual resentment and frustration leave me as I did what I do. Afterwards we hugged tenderly, nearly silently. He left without the wall he'd been wearing when he arrived, and I was grateful for the opportunity to heal something without having to do it with words.

Once again, a phrase out of my father's mouth, memorized from the underlined and tattered pages of his favorite Bible that now rests on my bookshelf, comes crawling back to me. Specifically, Matthew seven, verse seven.  And you will know the truth, and the truth shall set you free. I believe there is no truth that matters more than one's own, and so long as you know it, you are free from defending it. It took a while, but having (finally) learned from past experiences,  I've decided it is far better, as they say,  to be happy than to be right.

Plus, I'm really bad at math so I need all these silly toes.

Comments

[Ann]

Lovely. I feel as though I know this entry from the inside out!

[ellie]

I'm not surprised you feel me on this, Ann. Ego has an awfully big appetite and we humans get pretty attached to being right when it's so much better (and satisfying) being happy.

It's always nice to hear from you Mz.Wild and Precious.

[Tina]

I so relate. In the words of one of my sisters, "T. I love you and i refuse to fight with you." Not one day later did I pass these words on to another.

[Leila]

I appreciate this article so much. It rings so true to me. Thanks.

[PJ Germain]

Well articulated as I felt every utterance. I am so stubborn at times and should merely concede and be happy with that. So many trivial matters have wound be up. But, as I age, it does seem to be a bit easier. I am wiser (I hope!)

Thanks much for the insight and reflections!