Chasing Enlightenment
"Freedom and love go together. Love is not a reaction. If
I love you because you love me, that is mere trade, a thing to be bought in the
market; it is not love. To love is not to ask anything in return, not even to
feel that you are giving something- and it is only such love that can know
freedom." Jiddu Krishnamurti
From the moment I left the comfort of my father's religion, I began a haphazard journey toward a higher truth than what I perceived as his fault-ridden dogma. Beginning in my late twenties and ending a few years ago, I latched onto a spiritual pendulum that swung from Native American Studies to Wicca to New Age Metaphysics to Buddhism to Humanism to Earth Wisdom to Goddess Worship, gulping down words and rituals I hoped would slake my existential thirst only to end up more parched than ever.
It's not that I didn't find some truth in each of my quests for spiritual enlightenment--I did--but mostly I found a plethora of people whose walk didn't match their talk. In fact, most of the so-called gurus practiced hypocrisy through the mere existence of their self-proclaimed titles. An "old soul" will never tell you they are an old soul any more than a Wise Man needs to advertise his sagacity, because in doing so, the ego steps forward in complete contradiction to the larger truth. It's easy to regurgitate talking points, whether they be philosophical or religious. What's hard--and truly enlightened--is living those words.
The other resulting epiphany was that most of the teachings I unearthed were simply different ways to mimic Christ's teachings of love, compassion, and tolerance (or perhaps Christ mimicking others who came before him with the same message). Unlike so many self-described instruments of enlightenment who exercise habits of righteous indignation and condemnation, Christ's teachings were about acceptance. From lepers to prostitutes, he not only preached compassion, he modeled a life that embraced rather than abandoned others for their shortcomings or imperfections.
What I couldn't know when I rebelled against my religious upbringing, is that my search for truth would bring me full circle, back to words from a book I continue to reject in whole, but now embrace in essence, most specifically, The Golden Rule. Do Unto Others. Or in the verse I like better from I John 3:18, "Let us love, not in word or speech, but in truth and action." To that end I have tried (and failed and continue trying) to live a life of love with a capital L. Giving without remembering. Taking without forgetting. Forgiving without conditions.
I think Thomas Merton said it well (although I have no idea if he succeeded in living it) when he wrote, "The beginning of love is to let those we love be perfectly themselves, and not to twist them to fit our own image. Otherwise we love only the reflection of ourselves we find in them.” I have no need to see you in me. However, I do long to gaze upon the trail of your footprints as you walk your talk, do your dharma, work your plan, or whatever you want to call it rather than mire your feet on a soapbox. This daily practice of love is all I've ever needed to know. I no longer have a desire to chase after isms in order to find the pathway to enlightenment, because this little light of mine is the truest and brightest I've ever known, and thankfully, doesn't judge its own shadow.
Photo Credit: Chapel Hill via Bill at Webshots.
