Aged Whine

The years teach much which the days never knew.  ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

 

is this how it starts--
this sliding away of brain cells
like change down the sofa cushions
hidden away in dusty recesses--unseen
but not unmissed?

Take this morning, for instance
reaching for massage oil
you pump liquid soap instead
an easy mistake, maybe
but later you're making a point
--or trying to--about famous people
in politics,when suddenly the name of that actor 
(you can see his face) turns to vapor
before reaching your tongue

you squint real hard as if
you might squeeze the name
from behind your eyelids
well, you know who I mean, you say

it's not just the memory, no
it's the body, this body
once lean and strong and sexy, my god
how it thrilled you to own it
before you began waking during the night
right arm aching, fingers numb
the wood floor like gravel
beneath your bare feet each morning

as you stumble to the kitchen
groaning--ow, ow, ow
no one hears you complain, though
because the bed is empty
no lover waiting for your return
no coffee delivered by gentle hands
no dent left by his body
in the crumpled sheets

and you're okay with it, really
measured it all very carefully
the weight of love against
this solitary life, their neediness
against your need to mold each day
with your own hands, hands that remind you
of your mother's now, folded
across your chest, listening to your own breath
as you wade through a hot flash t
hen bolt upright, eyes wide
Martin Sheen!
   
Technorati Tags: aging, growing older, memory loss,second half of life,aging, perimenopause, menopause, hot flashes, essay, blog, baby boomers, writing, writers, poetry, prose, women, hormones, massage,martin sheen,

Comments

[Gail]

Sounds like someone could use a hug and a massage.

I think ~Leo Rosenberg said it best,
"First you forget names, then you forget faces, then you forget to pull your zipper up, then you forget to pull your zipper down". :) Have a great day hun.

[Victoria Nahum]

I'm back after being gone 2 months after having been given a whole new perspective ... our son died. That pretty much stops the whining about middle-age.

[Gina]

I LOVE this! It's brilliant. You always say you're not a poet, but I think your poetry is awesome.

[ellie]

Gail: Thanks for the hug. I'm ok with getting older so long as I can rant from time to time. :-)

Gina: Thanks for being such a fan of my silly words. Takes one to know one!

[ellie]

Victoria I'm devastated by your sudden news. I wrote you privately, but words fail to convey how deeply sorry I am for your pain, and how much I wish I could help you bear it somehow. If you're ever on the left coast, you have a warm and nurturing massage waiting for you. Sending love and a beam of quiet light on your path in the coming days, months, years.

ellie

[Pixie]

I stumbled onto this journal (actually googling for Coco Wheats to make sure I was spelling it correctly- I wasn't- and decided to read more) and I merely wish to let you know that you are truly amazing. As a 16-year-old kid I haven't experienced or felt or thought about these things, so it's an amazing experience to have a window on your life like this. Thank you for sharing your life with the world, and please keep being a beautiful person like you are.

[VirusHead]

This is wonderful, especially the last stanza. Thank you.