Says Who?

And here comes never again, again
Once more I'll let you back in
And just like it's always been
I'll say never again, again

Lee Ann Womack, Never, Never Again

It's not my habit to follow memes, but I stole this from Karl then altered it just a bit to fit menopausal women for a second list:

Ten 15 Things You'll Never Hear me Say

1. I haven't checked my email/sitemeter in days.
2. Sure you can come in the bathroom while I'm pooping.
3. Oh goody! I get to go to the dentist today!
4. I wish straight legs would come back. I love the way they accentuate my thighs and hips.
5. I can't stand to be touched/massaged/futzed.
6. Could you stand a little closer so I can get the full effect of your cigarette smoke?
7. Of course my massage includes a h@ndjob you silly man!
8. Sigh. You're not going to stop at that garage sale are you?
9. Bad teeth and big trucks really make me wet.
10. I don't need to write it down. I'm keeping a mental list.
11. I'm positive that way is east.
12. No, I'd much rather talk about you.
13. I think I'll wear beige today.
14. I'd rather take a quick shower than a luxurious soak in my bathtub.
15. Could you please thin my hair out a little?

Ten Things You'll Never Hear Me Say (again)

1. Miss, would you bring me a size 6? I'm swimming in these size 8 jeans.
2. Somebody turn up the heat. It's freezing in here!
3. Damn I look hot in this leather skirt and boots.
4. Hmmm. Maybe I'll have another baby. Whoops! I'm pregnant.
5. Hey, I/you should move in so we can be together all the time!
6. I'll have a(nother) sloe gin fizz.
7. No worries, I can hold my bladder until the we get home.
8. Let's make love in bright sunlight instead of by candlelight next time.
9. I hauled out a can of whup-ass on the racquetball court today. Won all 3 sets.
10. Let's camp out in a tent instead of staying in a motel this time.

I'm normally one of those "never say never" kind of people, but there comes a time when the Anvil of Truth lands on your head and your realize some things in life have an exasperation date.  Today that thing just happens to be putting other people's needs before my own. In honor of this epiphany, I'm laughing at the spilled milk. Someone else can clean it up this time for cripes sake.

Technorati Tags: aging, perimenopause, menopause, getting older, never again, women, changing body, that outfit i wore to the airport, body image

Comments

[Jennifer]

I wish on everything I possess that I couldn't relate to this, even the tiniest bit.

*sigh*

If wishes were fishes.

:-)

But, damn, you DO look hot in the leather.

[Daisy]

Hah! It's not worth me trying this because (a) you've covered most of mine and (b) I couldn't do it anywhere near as well as you.

Oh and that photo? Phwoooaaar! ;-)

[ellie]

If wishes were fishes I WOULD be swimming in the size eight, and be wearing the size six in the photo. Ha!

[ellie]

Daisy I would love to see your list! And that photo (thanks) was taken in 1996. Amazing what ten years can do to one's body. Gah.

[Karl]

LOL, great lists. Love the hotness of you in leather. Wow.

[ellie]

What you can't see is the fake cleavage tattoo, heh heh. I did look hot in that outfit didn't I? Today? Not so hot.

[Tina]

Hot, Hot, Hot! And funny too! And wildly sensitive. Too bad you are straight. Thanks for the invite into this fabulous blog. It only took me about a year to read. You were kind enough to email me. You responded to my craigs list add for coffee loving artsy types in the slo area. I was looking to retire there from SF. Turns out I got depressed instead. Now I'm traveling between LA Slo and SF. I'm tackling a novel. You pleasantly inspire. Let's have a cup or two when I'm in town. T.

[Tina]

Love your vantage point. Here's a few from a 44 year old lesbian's perspective. Want to go for a 5 mile run? Let me see maybe you are the one guy. I'ld rather be golfing. I can't wait for winter. I'll take mine de-caf. I love wearing bras. Where's the petite section. Let's go ride the twirling whirling upside down zipper next. Could you make my hair color dingy brown. And last but definately not least, Yes I love threesomes.