Bursting the Bubble

After a full day showing her art at a prestigious Denver gallery, my friend B returned to her hotel room and slipped out of her black dress--stopping by the bathroom to relieve herself before ordering Chinese take-out. Although unable to conceive after years of trying, she and her husband had never completely given up on the idea of a family, so she was always a little disappointed to discover another period showing up right on time. But as she reached for the handle on the toilet, B noticed a tiny, perfectly-formed fetus in the bottom of the bowl. Unaware that she'd been pregnant, she collapsed on the bed in grief over having miscarried this little pink life inside of her that was now gone forever. B sobbed for an hour or more, imagining the life of this child, what might have been, and for the loss of that potential life. Eventually she fell asleep, only to wake with a start as she remembered throwing a wad of gum into the toilet just before leaving for the gallery earlier that morning.

Sometimes when I listen to a certain song or look through old photographs, I am overcome with a sense of loss. What if I'd hung on to that relationship, raised that child differently, gone back to school, taken another path...the list goes on and on. But then I remind myself of B's gumball baby, and how easy it is for my thoughts to take on a life of their own, giving my power over to inflated memories. Why blow my wad on short-lived moments of the past? I've decided I'd rather put in another penny, turn the crank, and chew on this moment right here.

Comments

[Fran]

You've got cross post this, El. Sure got me thinking.

[susan]

Wow. But as a member of the Silver Lining Club, wasn't it perhaps a fated moment of much needed thinking and coming face to face with an emotion that becomes so painful it must be buried? The needed tears involved, I'm sure, much more than just the grief of the moment. The truth of the matter later recognized, allows a happier ending that at least repairs the damage done by the misperception.

At least I hope it helped in this way.

[Anthony V. Toscano]

Dear El,

Many -- maybe most -- people I know want to become someone's version of success, while others desire nothing more than to become angels above a dance floor. You and your friend B are just such angels.

AVT